A Room

Having a rest after your long day in your own bedroom feels great. But, what if we don’t have any room for ourselves? What if we cannot rest our mind with no interruption? What if we don’t have our spaces because we have to share the room with someone else? Even sometimes we need a room for ourselves to take a look back what we’ve done. For regretting a simple thing we made, whether it’s good or bad. To cry our hearts out without any judgment for being weak from anyone, without being asked why. For someone who loves being alone, a room is a simple thing they can ask for. Not being lonely. Being lonely is sad but being alone is healing. A room that could keep our secret inside it, our ideas we cannot share it just yet, our thoughts, our tears caused you have pains that you cannot tell anyone but yourself, our problems that no one knows the solution but you and all you needed is a room for yourself.

When you’re still baby, you have your parents sleep with you in the middle. Protect you every night and you feel safe in their embrace. Their hugs calm you every time you cried and it never change till you grown up, their embrace still the most safety place. You have to sleep with your sibling because your parent house cannot afford you and your sibling to have your own. Not to mention the house only have 2 bedrooms. Once your grandmother come to visit you or decide to live in, your room and also your sibling’s room will also means your grandma’s room. No space, no room, don’t have place for your secrets. You get bigger and older and your parents earned enough money to build another room which supposed to be your room and your sibling but in fact your sibling claimed it as theirs, means that you have to share the room with your lovely grandma for the rest of your life. Still no space, no tears you can show, and no secret you can hide. At the day your grandma’s passed away you think you finally could get your own room after all this time, but no. Your mother moved and sleep with you, leaving your dad sleep alone for the rest of his life until he passed away. You feel bad, you feel scared, you feel guilty, you saw the room and looking at the pictures hanging on the wall for the last time before that room will be close for ever since it part of him that can remind you. He used to call you from his room with his weak voice and asking you a glass of water or when he wasn’t strong enough to hold the spoon, he asked you to feed him. Sometimes asking you to walk him back to his room once he’s done his business in toilet. Now the room was gone also he’s gone too. You don’t have a room for yourself when you missed him and you have to find empty room to cry your hearts out before walk back to your share room and pretend there’s nothing happen with you and your heart. Because you think, you cannot and not be able to show it to anyone.

Then you met someone you love so dearly and decided to get married. Leaving your sharing bedroom with your mom only to move to another sharing room with your lover. At least this time you can make sure you could share your night thoughts with someone else you wished understand you no matter how weird or illogical your thoughts may be. You cannot keep your secret this time or your deepest thoughts because you vowed to share your life with your lover. You have to give your all to your lover since the day you say 'you do' in front of God. But, your wish is still the same. Having your own room without any disturbance from anyone else including your love one. You tell your lover about your wish and he / she’s gladly grant it with a condition you only use your room on the weekend. You only need your spaces, your quality time with yourself, to think about your progress as human being and to be better as person and as someone’s property which is your lover. To think how to make him/her keeps falling for you or you only use that room to read a novel peacefully and you'll walk out from the room with full of energy the new you and back to your partner not forgetting your task as their wife/husband. Sometimes a simple wish as having your own room is the hardest one to get for some people. Not for being lonely in your own room but to heal yourself from this cruel world you’ve faced.